How Much Would You Pay for a 🍆 Where the Auto Should Be?

Today we’re going to start with a $2,497.77 – or Best Offer – eBay listing for a Jared Wells autographed rookie card where he supposedly/allegedly drew a (NSFW) cartoon…well, you’ll see… instead of signing his name:

If you hold it sideways, you can clearly see a “J” and a “W” – Why? What do you see here??

I cast a healthy skeptical eye on stuff like this, but none of the usual warning signs are there:

1. The seller has a 100% positive rating with 19,000 items sold and has been around since 2014. 

2. It’s backed by eBay’s “Authenticity Guarantee,” which means they pass it through an authenticator before it gets to you.

3. If you scroll down the page of the other Wells autographed cards, you can kiiiind of see how the start of his name might begin to look like a male member, and then maybe he just gave up at one point and said, “I’m going for it.”

So now the question becomes — how much is this card actually worth? 

My first search, which you can guess, turned up a bunch of Dick Butkus and Gradey Dick autographs. So you have to be very specific with your query. And no matter what combo you use… not much turns up. 

Wells didn’t have a storied career, but that really doesn’t matter much in the lore of cards. Billy Ripken has 20 career home runs. Ruta Lee appeared in one episode, but some salty language on a Twilight Zone card sold for $169.50. This stuff is fun — but is it $2500 fun?

Mail Day shot a message to Brownings Collectibles on eBay. Journalism! They said they’ve “had it for years” and it was, indeed, pulled from a pack they opened. And then they earned our respect forever:

“If it sells, great. If not… not a problem keeping it,” adding they’ve never seen another one. 

Nor have we. 

I’m a purveyor of these weird things (I own several Balloon Boy relic cards now after learning how scarce they were). I would probably stop my bidding at around $250, but there’s no way (I don’t think there’s a way) that offer would be accepted. Not by a seasoned seller who likely knows how to price his wares. 

You may have deeper pockets than I do. Please, go get it. And post it on Mantel when the card arrives!

This week, I lost a JG auction for this Charlton Heston check😀 

The penmanship, right? It’s like Heston was a calligrapher with his checks. Imagine putting that much thoughtfulness and art into paying someone $20. 

And then that got me thinking – who is Steve Messmer?

It turns out the “instruction” was from former tennis pro Steve Messmer. According to his obituary, he toured and taught tennis from 1974-1988. Knowing that, $20 a lesson seems like a deal. Even in 1977!

Do I regret not going more for the check now that I understand the backstory? No – I have my signed check limits. But I will keep my eyes open for more, just to get a piece of that handwriting in a frame somewhere. 

Imagine this scenario. 

Some rich person: Welcome to my home. Thanks for the wine. 

You: Well thank you for the invite. I’m happy the kids get along. We just moved here and don’t really know many people, so this is great. I love your house.

Person: Thank you. We’ve been here for about 15 years now. Can I get you a drink?

You: I’m driving, but thanks. A water is great. Hey is that a Victor Wembanyama jersey?

Person: Yes it is! Are you a fan?

You: Very much! The guy’s incredible. I actually have one of his SI for Kids rookie cards. 

Person: Ah yeah, I got this at an auction. 

You: Geez, that must’ve cost a ton. 

Person: Most of them did, but I got this one for a crazy deal. Do you remember that jersey swap he did with that kid around Christmas a few years ago?

You: I do! And the father put it up for sale two days later, according to auctioneer Ken Goldin, right?

Person: Yes!

You: Is this that jersey?

Person: It is! I had been trying to get one for a while and the prices were all just too high. And then, as luck would have it, most of the public turned on a father who pretty much used his kid as a prop to get a jersey. 

You: And then Wembanyama got hurt just as it was about to end!

Person: And then the dad tried to stop the auction!

You: And it drove the price down and you swooped in!

Person: And now all these other people who bought his other jerseys are like “yeah he wore it in a game with a triple double, I guess” and I have this far more infamous one where I can tell a story and people can express their disgust at the entire thing and still wonder why athletes have disdain for fans and collectors and people in general. 

You: Right. If you can’t give a jersey to a little kid holding a sign his dad clearly made as they sit in $10,000 seats – who can you give it to?

Person: They need to start autographing it “To [kid’s name]” right there and put an end to it. 

You: Great point. And hey… is that an unopened box of Cheers cards?

PSA: Rittenhouse Cheers cards are out. Two autographs and one relic per box!

Fine, I’ll power rank the autographs I would want to get (based on the Rittenhouse site checklist of autos). Very important thing to keep in mind — Rittenhouse is famous for their inscriptions. Well, maybe not famous, but it’s such a cool thing they do, and they encourage the signers to lean into their characters and famous sayings and scenes and stuff. So the possibility of some cool inscribing is baked in here:

1. Ted Danson (Sam Malone) – obviously

2. Kevin McHale (Himself) – he was arguably the most memorable athlete cameo in the show

3. John Ratzenberger (Cliff Clavin) – endless inscription possibilities 

4. George Wendt (Norm Peterson) – probably everyone’s favorite character

5. Wade Boggs (Himself) – had another great cameo and just a cool autograph to get anyway

6. Kelsey Grammer (Dr. Frasier Crane) – probably some high resale value here if that is your game 

7. Bebe Neuwirth (Dr. Lilith Sternin) – 7/10 inscription upside

8. Nancy Cartwright (Cynthia) – the voice of Bart Simpson!

9. Jackie Swanson (Kelly Boyd) – she was a memorable character in the later seasons

10. Dan Hedaya (Nick Tortelli) – may not be the most famous here but he was so good in the show

For what it’s worth, I would have put Woody Harrelson at 2, Rhea Perlman at 6, and Shelly Long at 9 or 10 had their autos been included in the set. Agree with my rankings? Think I’m crazy? Sound off on Mantel!

Enjoy your weeks, everyone! Thank you, as always, for being in on the fun here!